One year ago | PART 1 | Intro

* I was inspired to start writing this story because during my current visit back home, there is a young girl who is living discouragement from a knee surgery. She had ACL surgery 5 months ago and still can't walk normally. She said that she crushed her dreams and she cant think that she will be ok therefor she needs to kill her passion. Her potential sponsors gave up faith already only after 5 months saying that she is depressed instead of helping her.

A year ago day to day,

I was uninterrested in life anymore. I was in PTSD from a series of bad luck mixed with depression and a sort of broken heart. When all the spheres of your life collapse all at once... like I said before, I declared defeat. I was smiling on the surface & crying for help in the inside. It was too much for my body.

My injuries, my creativity & life events mixed with the love I have for it brought a fair share of ups and downs already, some I had to ride way longer that I thought to be on the surface again but nothing like a year ago. I have always been strong, got back up and brush things off right away.

I am never ok to just give up. My mind usually never quits, if there is a way I will strive for it. 365 days ago tho, my body didn't want to go on and I fell 100% off track. When you think you already looked back to your lowest lows .. Holy life is crazy right ? 

My instagram never showed the bad sides too much. Especially for the last 2-3 years ... cause I wasn't sure if I was going to make it myself. 

That is also why I bought a Van & drove on. When I bought my Van, I was crying of discouragement just to pack. I didn't have the strenght, I didn't have it in me even thought it is what would be saving me out of anything. I really didn't know how I would do it. I cried and cried and cried in my basement in Montreal. My mom would try and get me out of bed, I was stuck. I felt worth less. Defeated. 

Here is a photo my friend Helene took of me on Dec 2018, trying my best to stand. I remember.. I went from bed to my photoshoot then back to bed. ( Maad always been the reason I'd get out of bed, it was a creative outlet in harder times & it never gave up on me.)

I am happy to be out of that state and be 100% back in my shoes... I deviated for the best. I came a long way. I did a few things to help me do a 180. I have to break down that story in Parts because it's a heavy one on a few levels. If I can help one person with my story, my purpose for this is done. 

With those kind of life events you also realise that it is not everyone that can be there to support... that knows how to be there. Please know, that I know and this is why I'm here. 

Wtih Love,

Maude.